My Sweetest Moment

It was the sweetest moment of my life,
One I had always looked forward to,
But unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy it.
I just stood there and let it pass;
Scared, scared that it was wrong;
Scared that it felt too good;
Scared that I didn’t deserved it;
Scared that I could mess it all up;
Scared that I’ll offend her trust.

I merely sat there
Watching as it slipped off,
Wishing my life was different,
Wishing I didn’t have that guilt,
That emotional baggage
Of a battered self esteem,

Wishing we never met,
Wishing she was not this beautiful,
Wishing we didn’t fit this perfectly,
Wishing I didn’t like her person,
Wishing she didn’t go on that date with me,
Wishing she didn’t like spending time with me,
Wishing she didn’t tell me all her secrets,

Wishing I felt good enough,
Wishing I was more handsome,
Wishing I was worth it,
Wishing I didn’t have to hid behind those fears.

As I stared at her,
In the corner of the restaurant we sat in,
As the joy seeped through my veins,
There and then, I clutched it,
Killed it right there;
Scared it could make it into my heart,
Scared that I’ll be happy,
Scared that this is the love I had been waiting for,
Scared that she’ll finally be in my life,
Scared that we’d be happy together,

Scared…
Scared…
Scared…
Scared…,

Scared of admitting that I love her.

Yes it was the sweetest moment,
That I had always dreamt of,
That I had wished and waited for,
Right there with her,
Smiling sheepishly at my words,
With that look of hers,
The same that sends chill down my spines,
That beauty, that blush,
That intelligence, that calmness.

It was in that moment
That I just sat there
Acting all calm and cool,
Fighting the joy
And happiness she brought,
Thinking to myself:
“You can’t possibly be mine”
“You’re too beautiful”
“If only I was handsome”
“If only I’d be successful”

It was that moment,
That I fought myself so hard,
Lest I let her in my heart,
Lest I finally let her love in,

Lest what I fear came upon me,
Lest I finally found that love I’d been waiting for,
Lest I lose my years of aloneness and unhappiness,

Lest I am happy with Her

It was in the sweetest moment,
Trying not to admit I had looked forward to it,

I guess it must have been a Friday
In the city beyond the lowly hills

It was that moment,
That I let fear still the sweetness away.

It was the sweetest moment
That I still look forward to today

-theimisiOluwa

(C) 2017, THEIMISIOLUWA.

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