In the matters of Love…
‘Once beaten, twice shy’ is not really about the beating, but the shame that accompanies it.
There are several reasons why this shame is killing.
One is the ‘shy'(shame) of having to see yourself in such sorry state.
Maybe because you have previously thought of yourself to be strong and well capable to handle it and couldn’t bear seeing how you came crashing down.
The second is the ‘shy’ that settles when you look at the others in whose presence the beating occurred. This is sad. It can be depressing. You wonder what goes on in their mind the next time they see you. You loath carrying the identity of the weakling, the beaten…the failure.
‘Twice beaten’ is a worse case.
Here, it is no longer about the shame.
After all, the word is out; the entire village has heard of it. You have carried the ‘shy’ for over a year. You are used to it. It is now about the pain of the ‘beating’. It is at this point that the current pain reaches out to the previous one, joins forces and begins to ‘pain’ you deeply.
This is where the tears now get serious and you begin to ‘drive the tears to drink like the water of garri’ (wa omijé mu bíi omi gàrrí).
Your heart begins to crumble under the weight of the pain.
It is a very sorry state.
This now makes me ask:
Why don’t we ever learn our lesson?
Why do we let ourselves be embarrassed as such?
Why do men never give up and settle for another?
Why do we go on a path we have once been disgraced before?
What fuels our tenacity?
Why don’t we give up?
We don’t we let such experience defeat us?
Why do we go through such shame and pain?
Why do we love knowing we may not be loved in return?
Why do we pursue knowing we may not be wanted?
Why do we desire what we know may never be ours?
Why do we keep with the ones who have once rejected us?
Why does a guy keep pursuing a lady that has once turned him down?
Is it bravery or cowardice?
Tenacity or folly?
He begins to make excuses:
Could it be that she meant it when she said “I don’t like you that way?”
Or just scared of her own emotions and needing a little push?
Could it be that she hasn’t been able to trust him?
Or just needed time to prove if he’s for real?
What is his drive?
Is this a sign he is really in love?
Or is he just deluded?
Why do people take such risks in love?
Because that’s what people do… they leap and hope to God they can fly!
– Will Smith (from the movie ‘Hitch’)
© 2016, Imisioluwa.
Adeola-mi, am I deluded to still be holding on to this my love for you?
Is there really any hope that this ‘ìfé’ will eventually ‘dúró tì mí’?
I am @theimisiOluwa.